“A very bloody match from two teams that should be all about elegance.

Out of the gate I knew this would be rough when Skitter got fouled off the pitch on the first turn. Mr Jingles did his reliable thing a turn later and killed Carol the Vet - even the apo couldn't save her. A MA10 Elf Catcher is a thing of beauty, and the rats were jealous she could run faster than any of our Gutters, but we only meant to get her off the pitch, honest. In return he got his jaw broken later on, although the doc did patch him up.

First half went badly - I scored too early, and then he went 2-1 up just before the half. I was slightly ahead on players at that point, and if the tree I'd knocked out had stayed asleep, things might have been easier. Still, the Stolen Playbook finally proved its worth, along with Geronimo's very long legs, because instead of him keeping the ball deep and then running it in for a pass, Stilton dodged out on a pass block, leapt up and grabbed the ball, and then sprinted down to the end zone.

I wasn't daft enough to score immediately, because I figured that was a quick way to a 3-2 loss. Better to loiter and see what happened...

And what happened was a lot more fouling and fighting in the middle of the pitch. Stilton didn't have anything to worry about, and just sauntered around, trying to look glamourous, before putting the ball into the end zone in the last turn. Along the way we'd damaged somebody's back and another elf had died (don't mourn Chicken, he was no good at dodging out of tackle zones so he probably deserved it) so the Tiny Nightmares felt they'd done themselves good, not to be letting in more TDs than necessary.

On to the next adventure. Or rather, I think I can finally afford to bring my Rat Ogre back to the field...”