“First game for the Invertebrutes in a few days, and with the top Bloater out with a damaged back, it was a chance to dabble slightly lower down the TV spectrum.

Unfortunately, our grand plan of 'kill all the norsemen, then score' failed to come to full fruition, losing the ball during the offensive drive and going 1-0 down at the half.

A second score put an end to it, and over aggressiveness with only 7 players meant our trademark leaky defence let in a third TD. But, of course, that was always the plan, as it gave us more chances to hit norsemen, claiming one last victim in the final turn. Sorry, Siegmund, but you asked for it by teasing us with your chainmail bikini. You'll turn fewer heads with a broken neck.

First match in a while without anyone getting hurt, so the 'Brutes go home happy, but wondering why they've not made any new friends today. Clearly the ref hated us: I don't recall a single foul that didn't go unpunished...”