The Great Gobbo's cave was especially full as players from both
Der Tenny See Titans and
Der Whamma Bamma Green Tide tried to move Monopoly boxes to create a seat. The Great Gobbo himself was stood in front of a roaring fire with a bottle of port in one hand and a filthy Santa hat placed jauntilly upon his head.
"Attenshun student afferletes" he bellowed as the hubub of the room quieted down into an attentive hush. "I az sum grate news fer yer today. Az yew az bin doin so well I az decided dat we iz gunna av a christmas party!" A huge cheer errupted from the assembled throng. "Now I az bin speekin ter der sqwirrels an dey iz tellin me dat at dis time o der year most people av a wurks do where dey do sum fun teem buildin aktivities den go to der pub, get drunk an den have inappropriate sex wiv dere collegues." He paused as more raucus cheering broke out. "Well we ent doin der last wun but I az arranged a few fun teem buildin aktivities followed by a piss up!" Another huge cheer from the crowd. "Der furst fing we iz gunna do iz ded speshul. Now our ail mary tuchdownz av bin spot on, well done
Gummy an
Kerslimm." Another wait as a loud round of applause goes around the cave. "Owevva our and off game iz rubbish, yew play like yew iz a teenager oo az found a jar of Vaseline. So I az ad a wurd wiv an old mate o mine, Santa..." the noise is now deafening as excited goblins start screaming and jumping for joy. "Calm down, calm down! Yes Santa az agreed tew let uz go to iz workshop an praktice passin der parcel wiv all der likkle kiddies presents befoar goin on a pub crawl! An ter get yer in der festive spirit Eviluz iz gunna sing all iz christmas songz fer yer on der cart!" More wild whooping and cheering.
"Ahh, fank yer verry much" said Eviluz.
"Rite shut yer faces! Dere iz wun moar piece of biziness ter attend to befoar we set off. Dis year, wun of our ladz became a legend. Please stand an show yer appreshiatshun fer
Robba Yerowse!" A shifty looking gobbo sidles up to stand next to the Great Gobbo where he recieves a handshake and a swig of port. Once the Great Gobbo manages to wrestle the port back from Robba he holds up his arms for quiet.
"Rite den, teem buildin task numba wun, get ter Santa's wurkshop. Everywun no's dat Santa cumz down der chimmny to get tew yew so obviously yew az ter get up der chimmny ter see im. Norma, me pet albino squig, iz gunna be released in ten seconds so I suggest yew get movin! Rite, reddy...."
"Err ent yew gunna put der fire owt furst?" asks
Skabba Nee, one of the newer members of Der Tide.
"Wouldn't be teem buildin if I did dat wud it? NOW GO!" Chaos errupts as 32 goblins try to climb the Great Gobbo's chimney without catching on fire or being bitten by Norma who is bouncing around excitedly biting anything she can. Soon soot covered goblins, some still smouldering, start to emerge from the chimney on top of the Great Gobbo's cave where they are met by the Great Gobbo holding a new bottle of port whilst stood by a large box. As the last gobbo limps onto the Great Gobbo's squig drawn team cart he is followed by the Head Coach himself who opens up the box and starts handing out brown hats.
"Ere, an early pressie fer yer! Put em on, put em on an merry christmas!"
"Why iz dey brown?" asks one gobbo.
"An why do dey av Amazon ritten on em?" enquires another.
"Look I'll be honest wiv yer," says the Great Gobbo, "Santa iz a likkle mad at me fer brekkin into peoples houses an drinkin dere sherry whilst pretendin ter be im, but I didn't want ter let yew ladz down so we iz still gunna praktise passin der parcel, cept now yew will be doin it fer minimum wage which due tew a University bylaw az ter go ter me by der way. Everywuns a winner!"
"Wot abowt der pub crawl?"
"Me an Eviluz will av ter do dat fer yer az yew will be busy wurkin, I meen prakticin."
"Don't wanna" says someone. The Great Gobbo casually necks the bottle of port before smashing the bottle on the side of the cart creating a very sharp and leathal looking weapon.
"Wot did yew say?" growls the Great Gobbo.
"Nuffin..."
"Dat's wot I fort. Rite Eviluz tek it away!"
The sound of Eviluz's deep voice drifts over the fields as the cart pulls away (along with the sound of mild stabbing) as the Great Gobbo begins his teams' xmas party.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
NBFL Season 31: Its ...