In a dark dark state
there was a dark dark town

In the dark dark...

"Yeh we getz it, it woz zoggin dark. Get on wiv it."

"Do you mind? I am setting the scene by parodying a children's novel."

"Wot, karnt yew reed propa bookz?"

"Of course I can, but some of our readers, I'm looking at you Happy Amateur, can't. Anyway in the dark dark..."

"Rite yew iz krap, gizza dat quill an zog off I'll do it meself. Rite den, in der dark dark fingy, etc etc etc, I woz avin a jar o moonshine wiv Jakk Nonailz, Doc Eadcase an Eviluz Paisley in der cellar. Dis iz gud stuff I sez ter Jakk."

"Gud innit", ee sed, it not only melted me toenailz but also me verucas! Top up Eviluz?"

"Ah, fank yer very much"

"Puts air on yer chest dunnit" I sez

"Shame datz all it does" sez Doc Eadcase

"Scuse me boyz, I needs der bog uh-huh, fank yew very much" sed Evilus squeezin past us.

"If yew iz droppin anuvva big jobby mek sure yew flush it twice" sed Jakk, "I swear dat sum of iz kraps iz so big dat wun day it'll kill im!"

"Hehehe imagine dyin on der shitter" I sed, "no-one wud believe it!"

"Shame yer karnt mek yer grog bung im up so ee explodes" sed Doc Eadcase "Dat wud be kewl."

"I dunno bowt dat" sed Jakk "but it does mek me tuffer, I kan tek a rite kikkin on diz stuff an feel fine. Hey Gobbo, yew shud give sum ter yer ladz befoar a game!"

"Unless it kan mek em stronga, fasta an less cretinus den dere ent much point" I sed.

"Peraps it kud" sed Doc Eadcase, "I az erd bowt dis wizwoz oo made a buncha kids usin a pair of iz old jeens an dey woz well super, until dey ad a fite an all buggered off."

"Wot woz speshul bowt dese jeens?" I asked "Yer karnt just mix jeens an grog an get super kids, dere ad ter be sumfin else."

"Well dey say dat ee grew em in jars in der cold an sed a spell cos ee woz a wizwoz rememba an Ey Presto! buncha rugratz."

We fort abowt diz fer a bit.

"Ere, I az a bunch o jars," sed Jakk "an diz cellar is nice an kewl."

"But we doant av any magik jeens" I sed

"We kud use Evilus's flares," sed Doc Eadcase "Day iz so sparkly dey must be majik"

"Yeh but imagine all der skum dats in em, I knows ee doesnt mek it ter der toilet every time" sed Jakk.

"I az a plan," I sed "we will grow a teem of super gobbos usin Eviluz' flares, some o yer strongest grog Jakk an Doc Eadcase kan feed em whilst dey growz. Dey will be stronga, fasta, tuffa den any ovva gobbos ever seen an dey will be based ere, in yer distillery. I'll call em der Tenny See Titans!"

And with that prophetic statement the Great Gobbo ate the crayon he wrote this drivel with, handed me the 'manuscript' and then set his Albino squig Norma on me. I barely made it out alive, but I did as I had to warn you all, the Titans are coming! THE TITANS ARE COMING!