MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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 Posted:
Oct 07, 2021 - 07:10 |
 
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SWL Death Watch Season LXXXVIII - The End Of An Error
"Er... shouldn't that be 'era', Jim?"
"Oh, now you're the one who knows how to spell, are you?"
Due to lightning strikes, illegal holidaymaking and general goblin antics, the Death Watch has been delayed for several weeks. With each delay, the pile of bodies mounted ever higher, and so only with a herculean effort have we cleared the backlog in time for the Great Apocalyptic Reset that is coming for Season LXXXIX. Pinch your nose to hide your tears or just avoid the disgusting smell that is the last Death Watch of the ruleset formerly known as 'BB16':
 Afogato, poured over a scoop of ice cream by Xander. *Lizardman Saurus, 14 SPP.
 Grumpiness, didn't exactly have a smile put on his face by Talltrunk Leafbringer. *Chaos Dwarf Blocker, 27 SPP.
 Julius Coldrock, warmed over by Vanthiel the Visionary. Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin , 0 SPP.
 Paphia, sent down the mines by Thardrakk Coalface. Underworld Goblin , 0 SPP.
The "You Don't Have A Leg To Stanza On" Laboured Rhyme Department
 Frano Botica, notica anything any more after a hit by Duluk Zombieeagle. High Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
 Galla Fiacus, suffered a bad smackus by Groa. Amazon Linewoman, 10 SPP.
Beatrice Rogeir, living nowhere after another hit by Groa. *Amazon Linewoman, 9 SPP.
 Katerwaul Krescendo, suffering a diminnuendo by Cah. Chaos Pact Skaven Renegade, 19 SPP.
 Patrick Duorn, all forlorn after getting stuck in a rabid Tumult. Ogre Gnoblar, 0 SPP.
End Of The Laboured Rhymes ... For now!
 Bubbles, blew every chance while tripping on his shoelaces. *Nurgle Pestigor, 24 SPP.
 Bazza Kriega, blitzkrieged Detestation. *Old World Alliance Dwarf Blitzer, 2 SPP.
 Bear, squeezed so hard all his stuffing came out by Rocky Balboa. Norse Berserker, 2 SPP.
 Herbad Kakr, shattered by Brittle. Lizardman Skink, 3 SPP.
 Vanthiel the Visionary, timed out by Cronus. *Wood Elf Wardancer, 10 SPP.
 Matchsticks Maruthel, clocked off by Cronus. Wood Elf Catcher, 6 SPP.
 Kerosene Kerrithel, without a spring in his step (or any of his movement) after a hit by Cronus. Wood Elf Lineman, 9 SPP.
"Can we stop with all these references to watches and clocks?"
"Why, are you getting ... wound up?"
 Kurz Dreadstealer, deadstealer more like after a resounding smash by Theodore Nuffleson the 7th. Orc Black Orc Blocker, 16 SPP.
Steve McDowall, with micro enthusiasm for Mega. *High Elf Lineman, 17 SPP.
"I knew we couldn't get through this without some of those silly names!"
 Bowman, retired with a nasty splinter in his hand, or did he just get the shaft from Banba Tricus? *Human Lineman, 17 SPP.
 (), Failed dodge. Human Blitzer, 0 SPP. Fell down so embarassingly hard that he isn't even listed on the roster.
 Agitated, helped to calm down by Deacon Jimmy Van Phirramid. Chaos Pact Marauder, 0 SPP.
 Jaelan Phillips, certainly lacking in Vigour. Undead Zombie, 0 SPP.
Going to be pushing up at least one Daisy thanks to Big Jobo Hairyfoot. Amazon Linewoman, 7 SPP.
 Lint Biscuit, chewed up and spat out by Lady McDeath. *Snotling Fungus Flinga, 10 SPP.
 May-Bae Tears, well, may be lots of sad things happen when you get run over by Fungus the Loon. Dark Elf Lineman, 2 SPP.
 Timmy Lemoncake, bit off more than he could chew when he encountered the sharp end of Gazza Blunt. Halfling, 0 SPP.
 Cromwell, went beyond the pale during Lockdown. *Underworld Blitzer, 36 SPP.
Simon Bolivar, headstomped by Swabbie. *Underworld Lineman, 25 SPP.
 Lost Button, couldn't be found no matter how much help we got from Vaxinator. Snotling Stilty Runna, 0 SPP.
 Fluff, gobbled up by his own teammate, Bograt Loo Roll. Snotling, 0 SPP.
 Judith Leyster, reconsidering a career in fine art after an encounter with Ard 'Ead Banger. Vampire Thrall, 0 SPP.
Pedro Penzance, fell off the end of the world (or at least Albion) after being shoved by Durbul Treeseer. High Elf Lineman, 7 SPP.
IRONIC DEMISE OF THE WEEK
 Sparky, zapped by Sathriel Spark-Spray. *Skaven Lineman, 8 SPP.
"Well, they do say electricity and water shouldn't mix... what about ratmen and hippy elves?"
Fharrakka Metalhand, had all the shine smeared off by Putrid Patricia. Chaos Dwarf Blocker, 0 SPP.
Dexterity, Block by Muzz. Undead Zombie, 9 SPP.
Nellie Bly, heard a buzz in his ears just before a foul from Bumble. Underworld Goblin , SPP.
Emily Hobhouse, from hobhouse to hobbledhouse by Viago. Underworld Goblin , SPP.
 Vladislav, staked out by Porfirio DÃaz. Vampire Vampire, 27 SPP.
Graham Darkstone, enlightened by Duluk Zombieeagle. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.
 Gat Ghoulburster, gobbled up by Carnivore. *Orc Blitzer, 23 SPP.
"What's with all the stars after players' names, Jim?"
"Those are all players who successfully hurt somebody before. Also, this was the last time any of them will be seeing stars."
"That's so kind, Jim! And now: for the Curse of the Death Watch!"
"Three weeks I've not had to hear your nonsense..."
Lucuma, Block * 1 kill. Broken Neck
Grumpiness, Block * 1 kill. Dead
 Loranda Hagborn, Block * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
 Thyla the Unseen, Failed dodge * 1 kill. Pinched Nerve
Vanthiel the Visionary, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Marrahki Daemonfire, Block * 3 kills. Smashed Hip
 Mazorn Zombieburner, Foul * 1 kill. Smashed Ankle
 Raekwon McMillan, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Hip
Cromwell, Block * 1 kill. Dead
 Craig Green, Foul * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
 Revereng Boyle De Feathers, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Hand
 Cah, Block * 4 kills. Smashed Collar Bone
And now, as we put all the wrecked and ruined bodies on the cart to the abbatoir, let's pause and reflect on every one of the 4,796 deaths and serious injuries that have occurred since the start of SWL LXXI. Heartfelt thanks to the statistickal goblins that had to watch every single game to write these all down, even if the lazy greenskins just fastforwarded to the end. Death Watch Awards to follow once we get over the tidal wave of emotion, but first, wave at all these victims:
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Oct 08, 2021 - 07:23 |
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The Awards Show!
With T & P.
P: Big news Terence! There's some sort of huge clerical error accessing the book of faces and the players have had enough!
T: Spreading unsubstantiated rumours is not what the awards show is for, Phillip.
P: I, but, news!
T: This awards show is for the permanent record of our top performances in the SWL.
P: Oh, fine then, tell us who was best this season, even if it was their last!
The SWL LXXXVI Team Achievements
T: We pay our snotling clerks well, and the troll enforcers hardly need to eat any of them this season, certainly not all of them.
Regional:
Turns (1139): Silent Sydney
Completions (14): Count Homogenised's MÅkai & Feyenoord Rotterdamned
TDs (17): Zealots of Change
Cas (24): Redgum's Repugnance
SPP (130): Zealots of Change
Passing yards (84): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (253): Zealots of Change
Blocks (360): Silent Sydney
Fouls (37): Zealots of Change
Blocks/Cas (13.70): Redgum's Repugnance
Pass/Cp (6.45): Mexican Standoff
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Conferences:
Turns (1130): Chaos All Sorts
Completions (20): Amateur Professionals
TDs (15): Amateur Professionals
Cas (27): Heroes Before the Fall
SPP (130): Heroes Before the Fall
Passing yards (123): Amateur Professionals
Rushing yards (246): Har Ganeth Hellbores
Blocks (375): Blue Mountain Giants
Fouls (36): Heroes Before the Fall
Blocks/Cas (9.30): Banner of the Black Stag
Pass/Cp (6.15): Amateur Professionals
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Premier:
Turns (1118): Bronzed Raiders
Completions (7): Ouch in a Pouch
TDs (13): Bronzed Raiders & Cult of the Firedrake
Cas (24): Crazy Beard Express & Cult of the Firedrake
SPP (87): Bronzed Raiders
Passing yards (31): Ouch in a Pouch
Rushing yards (245): Bronzed Raiders
Blocks (333): Cold Rock
Fouls (30): Crazy Beard Express
Blocks/Cas (8.35): Styx αnd Warpstones
Pass/Cp (4.43): Ouch in a Pouch
Kills (?, ??spp): ???
P: It's a team effort, and many of the teams will of course be returning, despite the news.
T: Don't interrupt the Mr Whippy part, Phillip.
P: It's my job to provide you with softball questions, Terence, stop being mean about it.
T: We've been asked not to talk about the news! Stop asking me about it.
 The Unofficial Maester Whippy Stunty Cone
 Leo Rumster (Pipton Picnickers) 15 spp
 The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
 Cah (Concussion Protocol) 19 spp
P: No wonder Leo's leaving, lifetime supply of cones!
T: Shush, Phillip, it's time for the Twahns!
The SWL Season LXXXVI Awards
T: It was one huge party in the regionals again, fourteen teams setting a record for participation in one pool. Maybe this is what the problem was?
P: I thought we weren't speculating?
T: On with the show, then! Silenty Sydney winning the tournament, but no show offs in that squad.
Regional:
 Valerie Page (Zealots of Change) 8 TDs
  Detestation (Redgum's Repugnance) 9 cas
 Decjuba Belt (Killer Heelz) 114 turns
 Gangrene Greg (Redgum's Repugnance) 150 rushing yards
  Christiano Alonso (Mexican Standoff) 53 pass yards
 Swabbie (Social Distance) 8 fouls
  Cherrytwig (Pipton Picnickers) 75 blocks
  Willy Winger (Olde Skye United) 9 cps
  Rocky Balboa (Zealots of Change) 5.75 block/cas
 Christiano Alonso (Mexican Standoff) 7.58 pass/cp
 Óli Johansen (Bear Island Berserkers) 25 SPP & Valerie Page (Zealots of Change) 25 SPP
T: Amateur Professionals and Chaos All Sorts winning the two conferences, totally different approches to the game there, but shows any team can make prem in the SWL. Any team at all. There is no secret hidden rule preventing the Chaos All Sorts making prem, for instance.
P: Certainly not, Terence. Scandalous rumors, those.
T: And not at all true.
Conferences:
  John Kirwan (Amateur Professionals) 9 TDs
 Duluk Zombieeagle (SWL Dorruks) 11 cas
  Bedlam (Chaos All Sorts) 114 turns
 Disorder (Chaos All Sorts) 163 rushing yards
  David Kirk (Amateur Professionals) 119 pass yards
 Krycek (Federated Fowlers) 20 fouls
 Enthusiasm (Heroes before the Fall) 87 blocks
 David Kirk (Amateur Professionals) 14 cps
  Egill Þrasison (Banner of the Black Stag) 3.88 block/cas
 David Kirk (Amateur Professionals) 8.5 pass/cp
 John Kirwan (Amateur Professionals) 33 SPP
T: Play Fetch, Loec's Loggers, and Cold Rock were all in it to the end, but Brozed Raiders took out the final game to take their fourth premier title, off the back of an amazing cut-through play by Kofaer that couldn't quite be matched by Diana Wynn Jones. Questions have been asked about the agility and speed of these players for a while now, and the poor snotlings trying to keep up with their records ... is it any wonder?
Premier:
  Kofaer (Bronzed Raiders) 10 TDs
 Cronus (Styx αnd Warpstones) 13 cas
 Talltrunk Leafbringer (Loec's Loggers) 115 turns
  Stampede (Crazy Beard Express) 161 rushing yards
  Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) 22 pass yards
 Splat (Crazy Beard Express) 19 fouls
 Cronus (Styx αnd Warpstones) 93 blocks
 Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) &  Theseus (Styx αnd Warpstones) 5 cps
  Marrahki Daemonfire (Bronzed Raiders) 4.67 block/cas
 Numb Bat-Bat (Ouch in a Pouch) 6 pass/cp
 Kofaer (Bronzed Raiders) 31 SPP
T: Our predictions last season prooved, well, disturbingly accurate, Phillip. Should we try again?
P: Ooh, well, what if one was to predict a mass player strike due to clerks stealing all their wages and the entire lot of the sacked due to disturbing contract clauses that prevent them playing ever again?
T: Almost like you're predicting a complete rewrite of the rules for player's funds, the rules of the game, the rules for blocking, fouling, passing, money management, and who knows what else?
P: Almost, yes. Wouldn't that be amazing if we were so close to being accurate once more, Terence?
T: Surely impossible to guess that well, Phillip, why, such a thing would've only happened a couple times before in all the history of SWL.
P: Third time's the charm, Terence?
T: We may not see the likes of the stacks of agility boosts on teams that won their divisions this season, if that's all true, Phillip. Who knows.
*SWL remains awesome, come get some, mega-draft on the 13th. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Dec 20, 2021 - 08:02 |
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The Awards Show!
With T & P.
P: It's all conferences Terence!
T: A few teams managed to gather some new players for the league, Phillip, most said goodbye. But the league is bigger than it's been in years, 50 teams competing, with rumours of more missing out for lack of forms.
P: But it's all conferences!
T: Yes, that is the tradition, after the great war, the great collapse, and the last one (don't mention the plague), ... wait, does that imply a fourth one on the way?
P: Don't say that, Terence! We're just getting started! Tell us who stood out from these young go-getters.
The SWL LXXXIX Team Achievements
T: The clerks have been toting up the books once more, rumours of improper fielding of extra players are scandalous nonsense and will not be entered into, and also the rules committee are expecting a change there too.
Conferences:
Turns (1194): Zealots of Change
Completions (16): Kingdom Decay (SWL)
TDs (16): Zealots of Change
Cas (24): Gits and Shiggles
SPP (79): Gits and Shiggles
Passing yards (80): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (260): Hell's Mischief
Blocks (391): Turbo Wolves
Fouls (45): New Blacktown Expatriates
Blocks/Cas (11.60): Pitch Painters
Pass/Cp (6.67): Mexican Standoff
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
P: Huge group to conquer for the teams who went all out for farming their special talents. Some smaller than usual with the field of young players, some quite a bit larger with the new rules.
T: That underworld team is a disgrace.
P: They're fabulous, and could do well in prem, give or take for the Goblins.
T: I refuse to admit Goblins have made prem, it makes no sense! These rules need a good looking at if you ask me.
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Stunty Cone
Gotham Green (Pitch Painters) 22 spp
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
 Yog, Master of the Spoon (Git Dynasty) 18 spp
P: A snotling! That must be first.
T: He's even beaten all the Skinks, though they're still rightly disqualified. No one likes Lizardmen.
The SWL Season LXXXIX Awards
T: Fifty teams. Amazing stuff.
P: So many games, so many chances to pass this tricky new floaty ball, who had the courage to throw it long, surely a High Elf!
T: It's always a High Elf, Phillip.
Conferences:
Giuseppe Garibaldi (Zealots of Change) 10 TDs
The Ticker (Minutes or Centuries) 11 cas
Umug Ratbasher &  Orok Flingthar (Dirrty Duzzin) 116 turns
 3rd Umpire (ERGH [Ex Ref Gobbo Hitskwad]) 177 rushing yards
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 79 pass yards
 Ivar (New Blacktown Expatriates) 21 fouls
Robespierre (Zealots of Change) 74 blocks
Femme Fatale (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) 16 cps
Fritz Berger (Ostland Horns) 1.34 block/cas
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 7.19 pass/cp
Giuseppe Garibaldi (Zealots of Change) 34 SPP
T: Underworld! That horrible combination of Skavens and Goblins has proven half way unstoppable. Up there with the acknowledged powerhouses of modern Blood Bowl, Skaven, Undead, Pro Humans, the Green Tide, Amazons, and Chaos Dwarfs!
P: I like how you snuck Orcs and Goblins into one there, Terence, but they've made it up seperately!
T: Madness! Goblins have never even made premier before. History is kind to Undead teams in these early premier, but also to the rest of them, with solid starting skills on these rosters. Surely the Minutes or Centuries have the best tools, but with the new low-tackling allowed on the big boys, well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Even a Bull Centaur is more easily bought down now trying to save the day.
P: Make enough holes, like The Ticker was doing all season, well, who even needs to dodge?
T: We shall see, the golden Twahnlows are back on the table early next year, there's a raging Trial of Blood on for some new teams looking to enter, polishing their skills before hitting the regions, and rumor is some old team's players may have even snuck off to the Deserted Isles to try to make something of themselves.
P: If they wanted to make a real legend of themselves, Terence, it was the SWL they needed to be in. These young stars are well on the way. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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Jan 24, 2022 - 07:38 |
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The T&P Show
P: There's no twahns for the trials, but if there was!
The Trials:
Topaz (Born to Rock) &  Gudrun Ophelia (Zenana) 6 TDs
 Morg 'n' Thorg (Zenana) 8 cas
Gudrun Ophelia (Zenana) 115 turns
Gudrun Ophelia (Zenana) 131 rushing yards
 Iovain Noke (Lone Lada) 14 pass yards
Halser Springpot (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) 13 fouls
 Main Screen (All Your Balls) 63 blocks
 Ivy Sprywood (Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors) 10 cps
Walter Looeast (Know Your Station) 4.25 block/cas
Iovaine Noke (Lone Lada) 2.8 pass/cp
Gudrun Ophelia (Zenana) 24 SPP
T: Blooding teams near completely dominant in the Trials, as it should be. Zenana's Goodrun Ophelia being one to watch out for as she quickly grows in skill, and being the mainstay of the team's run to take the Bloody Cup.
P: Congrats to Zenana, now on with the main show, SWL kicks off late tonight! Go the High Elves!
T: Not even any High Elves in prem, Phillip.
P: Not yet, you mean, Terence, you just watch this season! |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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Mar 23, 2022 - 00:59 |
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The Awards Show!
With T & P.
P: Our first premier champions of the new era are here, and who would've ever picked greenskins?
T: I was picking goblins years ago, Phillip, it's about time a team of them won prem.
P: Bigger greenskins, Terence.
T: The Black Orcs are also part of some Goblin teams, yes.
P: No, the other ones, though they did have a few goblins, so, fair enough, well predicted.
The SWL XC Team Achievements
T: The clerks were down with something, but the survivors have come back strong, who even fears the Nurgs about the place these days.
Regional:
Turns (1187): Miskatonic Misadventures
Completions (16): Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors
TDs (12): Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors
Cas (30): Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors
SPP (147): Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors
Passing yards (22): Skye Babes
Rushing yards (227): Scranton Business Park
Blocks (360): Miskatonic Misadventures
Fouls (42): Redgum's Ravagers
Blocks/Cas (7.90): Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors
Pass/Cp (4.33): Celtic Ruin
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Conferences:
Turns (1156): Styx and Warpstones
Completions (11): Amateur Professionals
TDs (14): Turbo Wolves
Cas (20): Lobrot Asylum
SPP (110): Amateur Professionals
Passing yards (69): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (279): Turbo Wolves
Blocks (374): Freedom Fouler
Fouls (52): Lobrot Asylum
Blocks/Cas (11.87): Pitch Painters
Pass/Cp (7.67): Mexican Standoff
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Premier:
Turns (1133): Ostland Horns
Completions (6): Ostland Horns
TDs (12): Hell's Mischief
Cas (23): Blackwater Picaroons
SPP (103): Blackwater Picaroons
Passing yards (9): Zealots of Change
Rushing yards (235): Hell's Mischief
Blocks (314): Minutes or Centuries
Fouls (32): Ostland Horns
Blocks/Cas (8.68): Blackwater Picaroons
Pass/Cp (2.00): Hell's Miscief
Kills (?, ??spp): ???
P: Hopefully our coaches avoid whatever's going around.
T: I'm sure there's a couple of Nurgle teams just want more of it.
P: Eeeew. So, Is there a stunty cone?
T: Of course there is, for dynamite teams!
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Stunty Cone
Gotham Green (Pitch Painters) 18 spp
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
 Michael Scott (Scranton Business Park) 14 spp
P: Is that big guy Sundae going to the right player?
T: He wanted it, he gets it, Phillip, hush.
The SWL Season XC Awards
T: Solid turnout of new teams in the Regionals, guess who's the rising stars, eh?
P: That's the other show, Terence, this is the Twahns.
T: That's what I said! Onto the Twahns!
Regional:
 Strezzar (Khornacopia) & Hound of Tindalos (Miskatonic Misadventures) 6 TDs
Michael Scott (Scranton Business Park) 7 Cas
Hound of Tindalos (Miskatonic Misadventures) 151 rushing yards
 Carmen Miranda (Skye Babes) 16 pass yards
 Hunter (Scranton Business Park) 18 fouls
Valmanek (Khornacopia) 69 blocks
Willow Barkley (Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors) 10 cps
Meh “The Awfully Medi-Ogre†(SupercalifrgilisticxpaliOgre) 2.80 block/cas
The Morrigan (Celtic Ruin) 4.33 pass/cp
Strezzar (Khornacopia) 25 SPP
T: The new Khorne worshippers making their mark on the SWL pitch, and the other teams.
P: Absolutely bloodthirsty, but taking a few good hits themselves.
T: Hopefully keeps them trim and not killing everything in sight.
Conferences:
 Kate 'The Klaw' Chaney (Turbo Wolves) 7 TDs
 Buck Shelford (Amateur Professionals) & Baugar (Banner of the Black Stag) 9 cas
 Heavy Git (Gits and Shiggles) 113 turns &  Surprising Git (Gits and Shiggles) 113 turns
Gotham Green (Pitch Painters) 177 rushing yards
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 64 pass yards
 Overfriendly Fructose Overdose (Lobrot Asylum) 35 fouls
Shadowleaf (Munchausen Moonrakers) 78 blocks
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 8 cps
Vic Sponge (Munchausen Moonrakers) 2.34 block/cas
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 8 pass/cp
Thanatos (Styx and Warpstones) 35 SPP
T: And our first premier since the ... well, best left unsaid, eh, knock wood, throw salt, turn circles ...
P: Not like you to be suspicious, Terence.
T: Still, new premier, and who won it but Goblins, eh, so I'm not suspicious, just foresightful.
Premier:
Flee-Sulk (Hell's Mischief) 6 TDs
The Ticker (Minutes or Centuries) 11 cas
Mogak Trollfist (Dirrty Duzzin) 114 turns
The Grandfather (Minutes or Centuries) 164 rushing yards
Paul Atreides (Zealots of Change) 9 pass yards
 Fritz Berger (Ostland Horns) 28 fouls
The Ticker (Minutes or Centuries) 73 blocks
 Hermann Gemmel (Ostland Horns) 6 cps
 Howling Man (Call of the Zombie) 5.67 block/cas
Paul Atreides (Zealots of Change) 1.8 pass/cp
Flee-Sulk (Hell's Mischief) & The Ticker (Minutes or Centuries) 22 SPP
P: I don't see any goblins outside that disturbing little chap in the conferences. Quite a show from the halflings though.
T: It's the quiet achievers that win prem, phillip, that rookie Big Un, just tanking the hits all season, and now declaring he'll be the team's next ball carrier! See how that works out for him come the redraft, eh.
P: At least he'll leave with the Touchstone Heart to his name, right Terence?
T: Right indeed, Phillip. What a season, our second greenskin champs, proper Goblins playing midfield in premier, skavens pipped at the post, and mixed goblin-skaven taking them out at the last. Goblins! Glorious.
P: And the Orcs too, congratulations to all the Twahnlow winners. |
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Wozzaa
Joined: Apr 23, 2016
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| Posted:
Mar 23, 2022 - 07:19 |
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SWL Season 91 Draft
wintergreen13: Elven Union
tribalsinner: Dwarf
Plonkl: Necromantic Horror
oozeboss: Snotlings
Late Draft Options:
Elven Union, Norse, Imperial Nobility, Khorne, Lizardmen, Wood Elf, Chaos Renegades, Ogre |
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Last edited by Wozzaa on Mar 23, 2022; edited 1 time in total |
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Wozzaa
Joined: Apr 23, 2016
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| Posted:
Mar 23, 2022 - 09:26 |
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Season 91 Late Draft
buuface: Human |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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Apr 01, 2022 - 10:27 |
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The Season 90 All Stars. 
With the league in it's 2nd season of it's newest recovery plan, officials have announced an all star team has been named. Congratulations to the chosen few.
 Cthonian They say it's easy in the regions, but the beast's dominance on the line set up their team for a run of excellence rarely seen from young Nurgs. One to watch out for in the conferences after the Miskatonic Misadventures creamed their opponents game after game.
Mogak Trollfist The quiet achiever of the premier winning Dirrty Duzzin, played every turn of their victorious season, tanking the hits again and again, and celebrated by retiring early. Prem ring and done, why not, rightful champion.
Shadowleaf Another excellent lineman for the allstars, crushing his little team-mate's opponents with ease and getting the speed to chase them when they think better of it too. Absolutely no one wants to be on the line against this big boy.
Baugar Not that this berserker cared about the treeman, spending all game hunting said little ones and scoring a fistful of casualties in one game for his efforts. Not a bad season outside that game and all.
The Ticker was a steady accumulator all premier, one after another, like some sort of regular time piece function. Turned it up to 11 so everyone could hear. Tick, tick, tick, time's up the conference teams next.
Buck Shelford How do elves even win hitting awards, they say. What is going on here? Dedication to the practice, is what it is. Pure, mean-spirited, vengeance for what the other team is always doing to the elves. Get them before they get you.
Flee-Sulk bagged a stack of touchdowns in premier division, coming within a whisker of the title in the coach's first appearance. They were in it to the end, and so, so close, just not to be after a magical season of keeping the ball away from the best sackers in the SWL.
Thanatos was farming like he needed the fans to pull the claws out of his wrists with the constant chants of his name. Who knows, maybe he was, there's definitely claws there now headed to prem, but he's in here for running up the scores in confs more than his hitting.
The Grandfather travelled further with the ball than anyone else in the SWL all season, and what better in the all star team than someone who can reliably chase down the fastest ball carriers, and then be so hard to get it back off of when he claims it. Look out confs.
Emilio Ferrano The dominant throwing arm in the SWL by streets. Massively better throwing than anyone else got close to, and well, it may not have got them the wins, but the all stars is about the stand outs as much as performance, and any coach would have Emilio throwing for them.
"Overfriendly" Fructose Overdose kicked up a storm in the confs, mutilating and killing a few players through the season, and what better thing for a goblin to put his time to. If he could just be a bit sneakier about it, the team might have more money for the other weapons on the squad, maybe win some more!
--
Prem Stars
Flee-Sulk - Hell's Mischief
Sprint-Steal - Hell's Mischief
Sick Bubblegum - Call of the Zombie
The Grandfather - Minutes or Centuries
The Ticker - Minutes or Centuries
Felix Bressart - Ostland Horns
Phantom Stranger - Call of the Zombie
Hermann Gemmel - Ostland Horns
Fritz Berger - Ostland Horns
Mogak Trollfist - Dirrty Duzzin
Mash Flingchopper - Dirrty Duzzin
Confs Stars
Thanatos - Styx and Warpstones
Kate "the Claw" Chaney - Turbo Wolves
Tarik - Ophidian Infidels
Gotham Green - Pitch Painters
Baugar - Banner of the Black Stag
Buck Shelford - Amateur Professionals
Shadowleaf - Munchausen Moonrakers
Emilio Ferrano - Mexican Standoff
"Overfriendly" Fructose Overdose - Lobrot Asylum
Heavy Git - Gits and Shiggles
Early Retirement - Mandatory Happiness
Rising Stars
Creed Batton - Scranton Business Park
Hound of Tindalos - Miskatonic Misadventures
Dmitri Maslow - Lone Lada
two horns - Talons of the Warp
Michael Scott - Scranton Business Park
Cthonian - Miskatonic Misadventures
Deep One - Miskatonic Misadventures
Petya Petroff - Lone Lada
Hunter - Scranton Business Park
Dunwich Horror - Miskatonic Misadventures
Gorzar Rat-eater - Redgum's Ravagers |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Jun 04, 2022 - 09:52 |
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The Awards Show!
With T & P.
P: More Goblin winners, Terence! What is going on?
T: Goblins are unstoppable, Phillip, if you don't have Goblins on the pitch, you aren't winning the SWL Premier division.
P: Surely that's a bold claim after just two seasons of it.
T: Extrapolation is a fine art, Phillip, and I have it down. Goblins forever more. Nothing but.
P: Let's see if the Goblins themselves contributed, shall we?
The SWL XCI Team Achievements
T: It is a pleasure to bring you the sums. The snotlings have enough fingers and toes between them to make this easy.
Regional:
Turns (1125): Albion Itinerants
Completions (8): Latent Talent
TDs (17): Albion Itinerants
Cas (27): Grimbreakers
SPP (111): Grimbreakers
Passing yards (6): Boney Bumpers
Rushing yards (260): Albion Itinerants
Blocks (366): Los Angeles Ramseses
Fouls (35): Redgum's Ravagers
Blocks/Cas (9.37): Grimbreakers
Pass/Cp (0.60): Plague Banebringers
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Conferences:
Turns (1157): Freedom Foulers
Completions (15): Mexican Standoff
TDs (15): Mandatory Happiness & Blackwater Picaroons
Cas (25): SWL Dorruks
SPP (129): Blackwater Picaroons
Passing yards (85): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (286): Blackwater Picaroons
Blocks (403): Miscatonic Misadventures
Fouls (65): New Blacktown Expatriots
Blocks/Cas (10.46): Blackwater Picaroons
Pass/Cp (5.67): Mexican Standoff
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Premier:
Turns (1029): Styx and Warpstones
Completions (9): Ostland Horns
TDs (14): Styx and Warpstones
Cas (25): Styx and Warpstones
SPP (131): Styx and Warpstones
Passing yards (9): Styx and Warpstones
Rushing yards (256): Styx and Warpstones
Blocks (330): Ophidian Infidels
Fouls (41): Styx and Warpstones
Blocks/Cas (7.60): Styx and Warpstones
Pass/Cp (2.67): Ophidian Infidels
Kills (4, 30spp): Styx and Warpstones
P: No mention of the plagues, Terence?
T: Emisaries of Papa Nurg insist that there is nothing to worry about, and also that sharing is caring.
P: I, um, why is anyone asking Papa Nurg?
T: On to the Stunty Cone!
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Stunty Cone
Lemon Sweetpea (Munchausen Moonrakers) 20 spp
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Deeptuber Strongbough (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) 19 spp
P: Season for the Halflings, there, and not a Goblin in sight of it.
T: Teamwork, Phillip, that's Goblin strength, and battling over who gets to foul more.
The SWL Season XC Awards
P: But outstanding players are what we're here for, Terence.
T: That's what I said, Phillip, outstanding team players, like these in the regions!
Regional:
 Rebecca Razzia (Albion Itinerants) &  Lavender (Flower Beard) & Grootrel Silverforged (Grimbreakers) 6 TDs
Deeptuber Strongbough (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) &  Orchid (Flower Beard) 8 Cas
Softacorn Gentlebeard (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) 114 Turns
Lavender (Flower Beard) 153 rushing yards
Theodore "Jerky" Oligorp (Latent Talent) 6 pass yards
Grarmud Boneshard (Redgum's Ravagers) 16 fouls
 Colin Canterbury (Latent Talent) 60 blocks
Theodore "Jerky" Oligorp (Latent Talent) 6 cps
Deeptuber Strongbough (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) 5.63 block/cas
Theodore "Jerky" Oligorp (Latent Talent) 1.00 pass/cp
Rebecca Razzia (Albion Itinerants) & Lavender (Flower Beard) & Grootrel Silverforged (Grimbreakers) & Puddles (Bony Bumpers) 26 SPP
T: There's our big sundae boy, and a good few others, dwarfs, elves, humans, and, of course, a goblin.
P: Well, it was a fouling award.
T: Indeed, Phillip, indeed.
Conferences:
 Aubrey Uranus (Blackwater Picaroons) 8 TDs
Eisheth Stiletto (Killer Heelz) & Maleficent Lenestar (Blackwater Picaroons) & Takeshi (SWL Dorruks) 8 cas
Aubrey Uranus (Blackwater Picaroons) 179 rushing yards
Bruce Deans (Amateur Professionals) 58 pass yards
Charli (New Blacktown Expatriots) 41 fouls
Takeshi (SWL Dorruks) 78 blocks
Bruce Deans (Amateur Professionals) 14 cps
Michael Scott (Scranton Business Park) 4.86 block/cas
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 6.38 pass/cp
Aubrey Uranus (Blackwater Picaroons) 27 SPP
T: And speaking of team players, one team's players has dominated the Twahns.
P: Was it the premier champs, Terence?
T: That it was, Phillip, bunch of disgusting little rats and goblins and then some. Love it.
Premier:
Atlas (Styx and Warpstones) 11 TDs
Thanatos (Styx and Warpstones) 13 cas 
Hydra (Styx and Warpstones) & Brick Boyd (Turbo Wolves) 106 turns
Atlas (Styx and Warpstones) 184 rushing yards
Aegle (Styx and Warpstones) 9 pass yards
 Melaina (Styx and Warpstones) 29 fouls
Thanatos (Styx and Warpstones) & Aten (Ophidian Infidels) 67 blocks
Hermann Gemmel (Ostland Horns) 8 cps
Thanatos (Styx and Warpstones) 5.15 block/cas
Aegle (Styx and Warpstones) 2.25 pass/cp
Atlas (Styx and Warpstones) 33 SPP
P: Eight twahns for the Styx!
T: Ten, Phillip!
P: That's what I said, Terence, ten!
T: Gotta be some all-stars in there, rumor is they're all still partying after that performance, and no one's expecting them to make the filing deadline for next season at this point. Tragic really, but, opens things up for more goblins.
P: Perhaps the ones with Black Orcs in them, Terence?
T: Or Big Uns, bound to be a Troll though, they do love Goblins.
P: Congratulations to the winners! Nom nom nom.
T: Hey! That's still not funny. Come on now. Poor Kickbacks. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Jun 14, 2022 - 14:32 |
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The Season 91 All Stars.
3nd season of the new SWL, and players are starting to reach their peak, no more than in the teams that specialise.
 Aten The big TG had a big season, taking a bite out of most teams, and standing strong to bring an honourable result to the old bones in their first prem appearance. He'll be a terror back in the conferences.
Takeshi The Big Un's speed and tackling power was key to keeping up with the feast of dodgy teams the Dorruks faced, but his ability to stay on the park and just keep dishing it out is a big part of why he's here. Plus, no one wants that taking a free shot at them on the line.
Hydra The champs this season had more turns than any other team, and the biggest part of that was the big troll that discouraged teams from getting too close, and now and then layed on the hurt for those that did.
Thanatos(c) The other part of why they had more turns than anyone was our all-star captain giving every other team a whole lot less turns. Game, after game, after game, including four each against the heavily armour orcs and chaos dwarfs, thirteen in total, devastating form. A champion among champions.
 Felix Bressart With just five games to his name, seven casulties and two scores showed what a powerhouse the Human teams can put up, bettering almost everyone with a full season to their chances. On the edge of something even better, extended training awaits.
 Hunter Sorenson Great form with five casualties and three scores in premier, kept his team in the hunt right to the end, always a threat, still sharpening those claws, back for more at the top of the league.
 Atlas Another superlative season for a Styx player, a massive eleven touchdowns in a premier season, almost unheard of, supremely fast, that extra head to watch for tacklers, barely even needs the team around him, but does it in comfort when they are.
Aubrey Uranus Dodgier than even the rest of the Amazons, Aubrey scored eight on the way to a conference victory, not at all shy to share it around and help the morale of the team heading into their training for premier. Expect a feast in the big time.
Grootrel Silverforged Comfortably walked in a stack of touchdowns behind his devastatingly effective pack of dwarf linemen, and a few star players they could afford from their solid budgeting. Looking to bring the same to conferences.
Bruce Deans Had a shocker at times, but the safe passing skills gave the team the confidence to cover his little errors, and he was always up to chucking it long to recover position after. Quick on his feet, he's got his eye in now and could set records from here.
Charli It takes a special talent, a proper dirty little git, to stick the boot in fourty one times in a season. The likes of that is rarely seen in the SWL, not that far off the greatest ever. Something to celebrated, up in prem, where he'll make a mess of the best of them.
--
Prem Stars
Atlas - Styx and Warpstones
Kate 'the Klaw' Cheney - Turbo Wolves
Heinrich Hoeftman - Ostland Horns
Pomare - GG Luckers
Thanatos - Styx and Warpstones
Felix Bressart - Ostland Horns
Aten - Ophidian Infidels
Aegle - Styx and Warpstones
Melaina - Styx and Warpstones
Hydra - Styx and Warpstones
Hunter Sorenson - Turbo Wolves
Confs Stars
Aubrey Uranis - Blackwater Picaroons
Guiseppe Garibaldi - Zealots of Change
Robb - New Blacktown Expatriots
The Grandfather - Minutes or Centuries
Maleficent Lenestar - Blackwater Picaroons
Eisheth Stiletto - Killer Heelz
Takeshi - SWL Dorruks
Bruce Deans - Amateur Professionals
Charli - New Blacktown Expatriots
Pinktint Chestdrool - Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar
Sick Bubblegum - Call of the Zombie
Rising Stars
Puddles - Boney Bumpers
Grootrel Silverforged - Grimbreakers
Rebecca Razzia - Albion Itinerants
Lavender - Flower Beard
Deeptuber Strongbough - Scatterbrook Tardigrades
Orchid - Flower Beard
Colin Canturbury - Latent Talent
Theodore Jerky Oligorp - Latent Talent
Grarmud Boneshard - Redgum's Ravagers
Softacorn Gentlebeard - Scatterbrook Tardigrades
Gramma - Latent Talent
Potential Stars
Iridrit Baradakas - Ligna Ludis
Move 'ZIG' - All Your Balls
Conglomerate - Born to Rock
Seth Wilbeth - A-Maize-ing Cereal Killers
Ivy Sprywood - Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors
Kenzie Gafolern - A-Maize-ing Cereal Killers
Cody Rathiza - A-Maize-ing Cereal Killers
Aovan Cord - Ligna Ludis
Sweat Rag - Sun's out, Guns out
Willow Barkley - Blackwater Rocky Road Warriors
Tindi Laurilen - Ligna Ludis |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Aug 17, 2022 - 11:56 |
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The Awards Show!
With T & P.
P: A more sensible winner this time, Terence.
T: They all had Dodge, that's close enough to Goblins to me.
P: Bit of a stretch, surely.
T: Word is some rule changes in tackling may well make them stretch to make two in a row.
P: The system at large wouldn't ruin a whole class of teams just because they won SWL would they?
T: Or would they?
The SWL XCII Team Achievements
T: Teams starting to set substantial records for this era, expect those to come on line after next season.
Regional:
Turns (1228): Not Brown Bread
Completions (13): Skye Babes & Les Maitres de L'univers
TDs (15): Zealots of Change
Cas (26): Flower Beard
SPP (121): Ligna Ludis
Passing yards (50): 50 Shades of Dulux
Rushing yards (243): Sun's Out, Guns Out!
Blocks (362): Demise of Chaos
Fouls (79): Scatterbrook Tardigrades
Blocks/Cas (10.65): Scatterbrook Tardigrades
Pass/Cp (3.67): Clans of Jyhad
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Conferences:
Turns (1151): [SWL] Dorruks
Completions (14): Amateur Professionals
TDs (15): Bronzed Raiders
Cas (35): Grimbreakers
SPP (132): Grimbreakers
Passing yards (122): Amateur Professionals
Rushing yards (263): Bronzed Raiders
Blocks (393): Ophidian Infidels
Fouls (35): GG Luckers
Blocks/Cas (9.26): Grimbreakers
Pass/Cp (8.71): Amateur Professionals
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Premier:
Turns (1107): Freedom Foulers
Completions (13): Mexican Standoff
TDs (13): Mexican Standoff
Cas (21): Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar
SPP (101): Mexican Standoff
Passing yards (106): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (221): Turbo Wolves
Blocks (342): Minutes or Centuries
Fouls (68): New Blacktown Expatriots
Blocks/Cas (14.62): Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar
Pass/Cp (8.15): Mexican Standoff
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
P: Some solid numbers back in the passing game, rumors of its demise perhaps over-stated.
T: The "you must spin on one leg while throwing" rule still confuses most players, but the specialists manage.
P: You'd think there'd be more knee injuries, really.
T: Needs more goblins, natural for them to target the knees.
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Stunty Cone
Belser Nighthand (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) 21 spp
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Tenderthorn (Munchausen Moonrakers) 18 spp
P: Halfling domination again, there, getting it done, also good at targetting the knees, or the top of the skull.
T: Little devils they are, give stunties a bad name.
The SWL Season XCII Awards
P: Who's got the Twahns, Terence?
T: The players that rightly deserve them, according to our extremely careful snotling accountants, who have the right number of fingers and toes on average.
Regional:
Giuseppe Garibaldi (Zealots of Change) 11 TDs
Softacorn Gentlebeard (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) & Sunflower (Flower Beard)
& Caleb Yve (Not Brown Bread) &  Louis Sunberry (A-Maize-ing Cereal Killers) 7 Cas
 Asteroth (Demise of Chaos!) &  Michel de Montaigne (Redgum's Renaissance)
&  The Savior (Demise of Chaos!) & Louis Sunberry (A-Maize-ing Cereal Killers) 112 turns
 Denise Masino (Sun's out, Guns out!) & Morcant Paprika (Animalistic Savages) 197 rushing yards
 Aovan Cord (Ligna Ludis) 28 pass yards
Halser Springpot (Scatterbrook Tardigrades) 39 fouls
 Boyshape Gutwart (Lobrot Asylum) 66 blocks
 La Sorcière (Les Maitres de L'univers) 13 cps
 Boo (Bony Bumpers) 3.5 block/cas
Fairy Tern (50 Shades of Dulux) 5.2 pass/cp
 Latundan (Banana Republicans) 1 int
Giuseppe Garibaldi (Zealots of Change) 33 SPP
T: Underworld and Dwarfs alike loving the conditions in the Regionals.
P: The Dwarfs will love it a bit more when the two meet up in Conferences.
T: Wait, is that a glove award?
P: Not many intercepts these days, when you're supposed to catch them after the required bicycle kick part.
Conferences:
Grootrel Silverforged (Grimbreakers) 8 TDs
Skokhoug Hornhide (Grimbreakers) & Tenderthorn (Munchausen Moonrakers) 9 cas
Shadowleaf (Munchausen Moonrakers) & Pomare (GG Luckers)
& Wormser III ([SWL] Dorruks) & Coach Harris ([SWL] Dorruks) 113 turns
Grootrel Silverforged (Grimbreakers) 189 rushing yards
Bruce Deans (Amateur Professionals) 121 pass yards
Lerrusk (Bronzed Raiders) 27 fouls
Parker Ust (Albion Itinerants) 70 blocks
Bruce Deans (Amateur Professionals) 13 cps
 Turmouth Warthane (Grimbreakers) 5.6 block/cas
Bruce Deans (Amateur Professionals) 9.31 pass/cp
Grootrel Silverforged (Grimbreakers) 24 SPP
T: Another dominant Dwarf team, it's just as well they're all starting to ask for more money, as they won't all get it.
P: The core high performers here will though, and they'll offer less inducements to other teams as a result.
T: As long as Griff doesn't take pitty on them. He wouldn't do that would he?
Premier:
The Grandfather (Minutes or Centuries) 8 TDs
Spocker (New Blacktown Expatriates) 8 cas
Iris Payne (Blackwater Picaroons) 112 turns
Kate 'The Klaw' Chaney (Turbo Wolves) 185 rushing yards
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 93 pass yards
Trimm (New Blacktown Expatriates) 31 fouls
Spocker (New Blacktown Expatriates) 80 blocks
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 10 cps
Slugwater the Toad (Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar) 5 block/cas
Emilio Ferrano (Mexican Standoff) 9.3 pass/cp
The Grandfather (Minutes or Centuries) 28 SPP
P: Well spread around the top teams this time, Terence.
T: Well, the Underworld did party all season instead of playing on.
P: Not that they would've neccisarily done it again, those Amazons were hard to tackle.
T: Back to back is not easy, especially with the pain coming up.
P: Rumours they'll adapt, despite rule changes on the way around tackling ladies, who knows what's ahead.
T: Wall of pain, Phillip, wall of pain.
P: Won't get easier up in Premier division, for sure, solid teams coming up, full of hitting power, speed, skill, and great records, plus some Imperials made it, which is nice for them.
T: If they'd just pay the linemen enough to buy proper boots, but no, everything for the Nobs. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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Aug 22, 2022 - 03:51 |
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The Season 92 All Stars.
Last of the free ride for the teams, according to player's agents. These outstanding few will demand a little something extra in many cases now, as will their long-time support players.
Tenderthorn bagged nine casuaties on the way to pulling the Moonrakers up to the first Halfling prem appearance in SWL history. What a player, fast for a tree, quick to their feet, and relable as you like at the old overarm skull-crusher, in addition to supporting teammates with every ounce of that twenty-ton trunk. If there's space you don't want your opponents near, just put Tenderthorn there.
Skokhoug Hornhide is a particularly stout lineman for the Grimbreakers, with a strong positional game, earning nine casualties through the season. Enjoyed his time against some softer teams, passing the survivors around to the rest of the boys for more. You'd love him on any team, and fits beautifully into the All Stars here.
Slugwater the Toad played a cunning positional game, guided by his more alert team-mates and coach, biding his time but smashing into whoever got in his way, and block for block was comfortably the best in prem as a result. In addition, those threatening tentacles gave the rest of his team so much space to work in, what's not to want? Horrible plagues?
Maleficent Lanestar(c) is our All Star Captain. She took over scoring duties for her squad when team-mate and last season's All Star Aubrey Uranus was lost mid-season, and carried them to premier victory, on top of bagging a few casualties and just generally being the team's primary play-maker. A player can do anything but long pass, she'd be welcome doing it anywhere, including here with the best of the best.
Spocker is chief blitz-taker for the New Blacktown Expatriots, pulling the team forward behind his rushing efforts, and chasing down the nearest skilled target for Trimm to have a crack at after. Get near Spocker, you're going down, and you're staying down. That sort of work ethic is well suited to an All Star team.
Parker Ust with all the big boys on this team, it does need a spot of speed to challenge those fast dodgy types, and Parker gave it his all this season doing just that, with 70 blocks and the Silver shield, and a fair six casualties from 'em. He can stand up in tight stuff, and still quickly make ground on almost anyone sneaking past, just what any team needs.
The Grandfather has some mighty big springs these days, when he gets wound up he will just go, and go, and go. A couple Cas on the way, on top of the Disco Dan Ball, and the Duke Snakefield Medallion. That's always a spot in the All Stars, and The Grandfather will likely be back in prem again have a crack at the title, and other awards. More faster!
Grootrel Silverforged is solo carrier for the Grimbreakers, and has carried them all the way to prem next season. Normally not a huge squad around him, but carries some extra armour, and knows how to dodge the lesser hitters, outstanding reliability, just the basics done so well. Look out for him to carry a premier title too.
Guiseppe Garibaldi had an absolute field day in the regions, the wee legend more than capable against less experienced teams of running in score after score, getting three touchdowns in each of three seperate games though the season. Just gotta watch that Monstrous Mouth of his doesn't get him trouble, pride before the fall and all that, even when it is well earned.
Emilio Ferrano added a comfortable set of gold Thwahns to his silver ones this season, a reliable arm under the pressure cooker conditions of the premier division, comfortably long passing, and picking up few interesting skills along the way, says he'd love to kick in the face of a few of those fast boys chasing him into his deep pocket start spot.
Trimm did not quite see out the season, as the Killer Heelz played hunt the goblins, and the mess they left of him was a bit much for the Apo. A fair number of messes he's left of other players over the seasons, particularly laying in the boot all of XCII, can now rest easy. What a little champ, giving it his all to the very last drop, sadly just left on the spikes of a nasty dark elven blitzer.
--
Prem Stars
The Grandfather - Minutes and Centuries
Kate 'the Claw' Cheney - Turbo Wolves
Phyllis Stein - Mexican Standoff
Wimba Wetsnivel - Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar
Spocker - New Blacktown Expatriots
Slugwater the Toad - Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar
Catalufa Cacklespine - Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar
Emilio Ferrano - Mexican Standoff
Trimm - New Blacktown Expatriots
Iris Payne - Blackwater Picaroons
Maleficent Lenestar - Blackwater Picaroons.
Confs Stars
Grootrel Silverforged - Grimbreakers
Coronado Iko Uwaisland Rattlesnake - Slouching Viper, Midden Dragon
Pomare - GG Luckers
Búrnhak - Bronzed Raiders
Skokhoug Hornhide - Grimbreakers
Tenderthorn - Munchausen Moonrakers
Parker Ust - Albion Itinerants
Bruce Deans - Amateur Professionals
Lerrusk - Bronzed Raiders
Shadowleaf - Munchausen Moonrakers
John Timu - Amateur Professionals
Rising Stars
Guiseppe Garibaldi - Zealots of Change
Finuba Org - Ligna Ludis
Denise Masano - Sun's Out, Guns Out
Morcant Paprika - Animalistic Savages
Boo - Bony Bumpers
Louis Sunberry - A-Maize-ing Cereal Killers
Boyshape Gutwart - Lobrot Asylum
Aovan Cord - Ligna Ludis
Halser Springpot - Scatterbrook Tardigrades
Asteroth - Demise of Chaos!
Scratch - Bony Bumpers |
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Semitence
Joined: May 18, 2013
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| Posted:
Sep 10, 2022 - 02:44 |
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Channel BB Exclusive!
Rumour has it that an official inquiry into Morg 'n Thorg's performance is to be undertaken. There has been speculation from a number of completely anonymous, unknown & secret sources as to accusations of match fixing. Morg 'n Thorg claims performance issues are related to being overworked, suffering jet-lag, match scheduling issues & claims that in his twilight years, packing on the extra muscle has resulted in higher levels of fatigue.
Analysts speculate that after years of living the high life, financing issues drove Morg to reduce his match fees, and his refusal to work through an agent has resulted in a schedule that is untenable. When asked if there were macro-economic factors in play, Morg 'n Thorg ensured that Cablevision would have the opportunity to hire a new reporter for his next match.
An un-official statement from sources rumoured to have once touched the hair of Griff Oberwald Pty. Ltd. Inc. All Rights Reserved claimed "It was obvious that Morg wanted to lose. Just look as what he did to poor Griff. He's just a jealous Ogre. Ensuring he is injured means more business for Morg...".
The Dorruk fans claim Morg couldn't have been on the take, as they were "going as hard as they could at him" citing a unsportsorclike* foul in the dying stages of the match, though given Morg was completely surrounded at the time it is unknown whether he was taking a bruising, or he rolled over for dramatic effect.
When asked if his big-star moneyball team strategy would continue in the future, Coach Semitence refused to comment.
More to come.
*Any sporting Orc fan knows the only good fouls are ones that ensure you get to play rookies next time you play. |
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Wozzaa
Joined: Apr 23, 2016
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| Posted:
Oct 18, 2022 - 07:02 |
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The Lunar Observer
What is a Moonraker?
The Moonrakers have just finished their very first (and the first of any Halfling team) attempt at the SWL Premiership, and had a great time doing it. They are heading into their 6th season, also making them the longest running Halfling team to compete in SWL proper.
But where did they get their name?
'Us wur cleverer than ‘E-ah, us diddled ‘E alright.
In a pond up ‘Vizes way – smugglers ‘ad ‘idden a keg ‘o brandy & us wur trying to get at un. Us were scrabbling away with gurt ‘ay rakes when us spied ‘zizeman ‘a’watching. So us pointed to moon’s ‘flection in water & told un us wur “raking vor that gurt cheeseâ€. ‘e thought us wur caddled & ‘ad ‘ad too much tiddley. So off ‘e went, laffing fit to bust ‘is britches. That’s why us Halflings be called “Moonrakersâ€, s’now.'
Halflings have not always been treated as equals by the Humans that surround them. This ancient tale tells of how the Halflings of Mosgiel fought back, in a small way, against the Humans who had attempted to exploit them by charging exorbitant fees for the Halflings favourite liquor.
The Halflings smuggled all sorts of liquor up the Silverstream, and had many a raucous party. The Humans attempted to put a stop to this with firm laws, but the Halflings found ways.
The moral of the story: Never underestimate a Halfling. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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Oct 23, 2022 - 09:36 |
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The Awards Show!
With T&P.
T: Dodge wins again, Phillip, tragically the Goblins that should have had it went on holiday and missed out, and then the Halflings went and poisoned the Dwarfs, and well, the Lenestar sisters just too good for the rest.
P: That is scurrilous, Terence, the Halflings sold the Dwarfs their recipes for rat soup and the wee blokes fell over themselves trying to get out to start a resteraunt. Gave up SWL on the spot!
T: Oh, then why the name change, eh, if not avoiding liability suits?
P: The Amazonian player's have changed their position names for entirely cromulent reasons, Terence, nothing to do with the Dwarfs.
T: And what a season they had, with the Dwarfs, what was it, taking up restraunteuring? Likely, I don't think.
P: Just give us the awards show, Terence, get on with it.
T: I, it, right.
The SWL XCIII Team Achievements
T: With a few teams deciding to take up alternate persuits, the records have mostly fallen to squads that everyone desperately wants to play against, various kinds of Goblins, and High Elfs, who are rubbish.
P: What? High Elves are excellent, Terence.
T: One or two long bombs doesn't make a bloodbowl team, Phillip, despite the achievements it earns.
Regional:
Turns (1152): Motherstone Connection
Completions (7): Motherstone Connection
TDs (14): Motherstone Connection
Cas (20): Kapitol Krushers & Mighty Mortgaged Mob
SPP (77): Kapitol Krushers
Passing yards (15): Motherstone Connection & Giddleberry Lowborns
Rushing yards (229): Motherstone Connection
Blocks (361): Kapitol Krushers
Fouls (36): Lobrot Asylum
Blocks/Cas (11): Mighty Mortgaged Mob
Pass/Cp (3.5): Lone Lada
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Conference:
Turns (1145): Minutes or Centuries
Completions (14): Amateur Professionals
TDs (16): Amateur Professionals & Styx and Warpstones
Cas (21): Amateur Professionals & Ophidian Infidels
SPP (104): Amateur Professionals
Passing yards (112): Amateur Professionals
Rushing yards (280): Styx and Warpstones
Blocks (348): Minutes or Centuries
Fouls (53): New Blacktown Expatriots
Blocks/Cas (10.78): Styx and Warpstones
Pass/Cp (9.56): Mexican Standoff
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
Premier:
Turns (998): Mosgiel Moonrakers
Completions (7): Mosgiel Moonrakers
TDs (12): Mandatory Happiness
Cas (16): Blackwater Picaroons & Mosgiel Moonrakers
SPP (66): Mosgiel Moonrakers
Passing yards (13): Grimbreakers
Rushing yards (206): Mosgiel Moonrakers
Blocks (263): Mosgiel Moonrakers
Fouls (28): Mosgiel Moonrakers
Blocks/Cas (13.93): Black Lagoon Go-Go Bar
Kills (?, ?? spp): ???
P: Go the flings!
T: But look at the Goblins down below, few rats with 'em, sure, some snotlings underfoot, but we all know what makes those teams great,
P: The Gutter Runners?
T: Well, be that as it may, it's Goblins the crowds cheer for.
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Stunty Cone
Lemon Sweetpea (Mosgiel Moonrakers) 14 spp
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Auntyshape Grumbleflick (Lobrot Asylum) &  Geldof da Grinch (Boomtown Ratzz) 14 spp
P: Looks like more Halflings to me, Terence.
T: Don't troll, Phillip, that's Auntyshape's job.
P: To the individual awards!
The SWL XCIII Awards
T: The whole point of the show, the rest of it leads here, gentle viewers, did the team awards come from individual greatness? Let's find out!
Regional:
Bootsy 'Twinkletoes' Holly (Motherstone Connection) 12 TDs
Auntyshape Grumbleflick (Lobrot Asylum) 7 cas
Urag Rattree (Kapitol Krushers) 112 turns
Bootsy 'Twinkletoes' Holly (Motherstone Connection) 134 rushing yards
Dr Warpenstein (Motherstone Connection) 15 pass yards
Blight Sabre Mania (Motherstone Connection) 25 fouls
Seedling Bill Bush (Motherstone Connection) 77 blocks
Dr Warpenstein (Motherstone Connection) 7 cps
Dalcorat Stoikov (Lone Lada) 5 block/cas
Anrad Rastolnik (Lone Lada) 4.34 pass/cp
Bootsy 'Twinkletoes' Holly (Motherstone Connection) 36 SPP
P: Speaking of Gutter Runners, what is it makes them so good?
T: Mostly it's 13 players standing between them and the opposition, to be fair, those individual stats are a team effort in so many ways.
P: Their team-mates are up there too, such a stunning player, that Bootsy. All style.
Conference:
Atlas (Styx and Warpstones) 14 TDs
Thanatos (Styx and Warpstones) & Parker Ust (Albion Itinerants) 12 cas
The Ticker (Minutes or Centuries) &  Time After Time (Minutes or Centuries) &  The Grandfather (Minutes or Centuries)112 turns
Atlas (Styx and Warpstones) 210 rushing yards
Bruce Deans (Amateur Professionals) 109 pass yards
Anigrides (Styx and Warpstones) 39 fouls
Thanatos (Styx and Warpstones) 92 blocks
Bruce Deans (Amateur Professionals) 13 cps
Jude Bellam (Albion Itinerants) 2.34 block/cas
Lonnie Bhom (Mexican Standoff) 9.56 pass/cp
Atlas (Styx and Warpstones) 42 SPP
T: More underworld dominance of the player awards, surely other teams can see the trend here, stars and Goblins!
P: No small number of superstars and legends in that lot, striving for premier, or, in the case of the Styx, ducking it yet again.
T: It's like they fear being shown up by the Amazons, surely not.
Premier:
Maleficent Lenestar (c) (Blackwater Picaroons) 6 TDs
 Thar'th (Bronzed Raiders), Ursula Lenestar (Blackwater Picaroons) & Hunter Sorensen (Turbo Wolves) 6 cas
Shadowleaf (Mosgiel Moonrakers) 110 turns
 Búrnhak (Bronzed Raiders) 143 rushing yards
Brianethe Goatencrush (Grimbreakers) 13 pass yards
Sweet Gumdrop (Mosgiel Moonrakers) 19 fouls
Shadowleaf (Mosgiel Moonrakers) 66 blocks
Tenderthorn (Mosgiel Moonrakers) 6 cps
Maleficent Lenestar (c) (Blackwater Picaroons) 4.6 block/cas
 Double Rainbow ([SWL] Mandatory Happiness) 1 int
Maleficent Lenestar (c) (Blackwater Picaroons) 28 SPP
P: Maleficent! Munificent! Omnificent! Magnificent!
T: Are those all real words, Phillip?
P: Dishing it out at will, making the plays from nothing, rightly lauded for her efforts.
T: Fair enough. More teams finding their outstanding play-makers rewarded here, but you've got to hand it to the Zons, two in a row, what will become of them with the new rules?
P: Could be anything, Terence, wouldn't surprise to see three in a row, surely, huge amount of fleet and fragile teams coming up, not so many brutal hitters to quiet the ladies, could be well into making a legend here.
T: Making several of them, if they can hang around.
P: Those treemen are looking scary as well.
T: So long as they don't take root right at the kickoff and leave the team stranded at half way.
P: Small problems, Terence.
T: Problems for the small ones, more like.
P: They'll terrorise the Conferences again, along with the other teams dropping back for a refresher course in having enough tackle.
T: This is not a joke about having enough tackle for the whole Amazon team. They're quite happy to share. |
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