Next match was against Knorzel’s Nurgle. I though it was a good match up, since nurgle had some similarities with the dorfs which I played before, in the sense of being a bashy team and one that theoretically I could run circles around. Once again I was a bit worried about getting massacred, but had some hope of maybe finally managing a tie. A win by this point is not even placed in my wildest wet-dreams, for I see tat I still lack a lot in very basic tactics most notably:
1. How to strike a good balance between forcing the opponent to dodge, or forcing him to either block or not risk and leave me alone letting me be the one to dodge away.
2. Inability to advance in my drive, I either rush out too soon and get pummeled or lag in my side (A tactic, I think I know, is not that very much elfy) and get too many guys swamped or KOd to actually be able to do anything. I’ve heard that well skilled up elves can easily finish a drive even with a handful of players remaining, but I just have no (even theoretical) idea as to how to do that.
3. I can’t manage to do blocks, I just keep placing my players badly and constantly get 2d blocks against me, while not managing the same on my end, and this later translates to very bad block statistics after the match. This, by the way, happens not only with bashy teams, which should lead in that field, but with agile teams as well.
4. I risk way too often, I know that. As far as I’ve heard, elves are one of those teams that don’t need THAT many RR’s like say vampires, but I just keep constantly burning through them like they’re out of fashion.

With these points in mind, I will probably try to concentrate on them for the time being and maybe get myself better there before I start dreaming about victories, piles of SPPs and stardom.

Knorzel turn 1: The puss ridden chaos win the toss. Chaos set up slightly heavier on one side than the other, the weaker side defended by journeymen a little tactic my team, that is constantly plagued by lack of non-loners, can really relate to. Luck lands a wet one on the neurotics this time as the ball lands on the less defended side and rather near the line. Knorzel picks the ball up and generally moves everyone a notch forward. The kickoff provides both of us with a bribe a boon that Knorzel won’t waste even after inflicting enough fouls to make the mafia look like choirboys.

My turn 1: Anxiously I start my turn lulled into a false feeling of safety after Knorzel delivers his sob story of not having any skills on the players yet. A clever ruse indeed, my fungus ridden nemesis. Although there was only one skill-up in his team, the passive skills more than made it up on the first turn. 1. I try to blitz, but no dice as my Blitzer is dumbstruck by all the STDs ridding his target, I decide to reroll, yet I still manage to roll another 1. With my blitz wasted I resort to more elfy moves and try to dodge, here again I am rendered as useless as a diabetic in a pie eating contest and am held in check by the tentacles. Riiiight… I try to gang block then, but yet again I am only presented with the unisexual “Eeeeeewww”. Thus end the most uneventful turn I could imagine.

Knorzel turn 2: The Chaos start their favorite pastime of keeping my witch fixated on the ground by the sideline with a stun, a fun pastime that shall continue almost throughout the game. One can only add that ALMOST unanimously everyone agreed it was fun. To compensate for his lack of manners and obvious sexism Knorzel also managed to put his only possible female player tentacles and all on the ground as well.

My turn 2: I spot a small opening in the lines and manage to put my Blitzer near the ball carrier, a good move even though he once again failed the blitz to foul appearance rolls. For a bunch of neurotic elves my players are extremely shallow, both me and Knorzel agreed that the inner beauty is far more important that the outer looks. As the old saying goes: “Don’t judge a book by the amount of incurable diseases you can catch from its cover”

Knorzel turn 3: The chaos team put it into high gear and is now dangerously past the midway and into my side of the pitch. Both my Blitzer and witch elf are down by the sidelines, Blitzer getting a nice block to his noggin, while the witch received the first of many fouls that will keep getting ignored by the damned ref.

My turn 3: Since my positionals are now nothing more than fancy rugs decorating the field I order my line-elves to form a somewhat coherent net in front of the ball carrier to stop him from moving too far into my side. By the end of the turn I decide to give my star Blitzer another chance which he promptly fails by planting his face into the ground like retarded ostrich as soon as he stands up, could have rerolled, but decide to keep the remaining RR for better times.

Knorzel turn 4: Throws a block here and there and fouls my witch back into the gentle embrace of a stun, ref no where in sight an act almost as disgraceful as the fact that the chaos team must have the smartest beast this side of a Blackadder cunning fox quote.

My turn 4: The turn is irritatingly similar to most of my turns of the first half: 1. Tentacles work 2. Blitz wasted once again 3. Both positonals are still in the middle of a macabre slumber party 4. To add insult to injury I have no rrs left.

Knorzel turn 5: Nothing overly eventful as the chaos team merely starts to cage up their ball-carrier. To simplify the situation there are basically two interesting sights on the field: 1. a huge mash-up near the ball-carrier. 2. Few fateful chaos players guarding my positionals on the other side of the pitch, naturally offering the free complimentary foul from time to time.

My turn 5: I manage to block his ball-carrier who rather flamboyantly was picking his nose near my prone journeyman. The ball is loose.

Knorzel turn 6: Knorzel moves two rotters closer to the scene and now holds three tackle zones on the ball. By this time both of us no longer have any rrs left and every roll counts. Chaos waist no time and one of the prettier pestigors promptly picks the ball up, runs to the TD line and stalls. Too end the turn in an upbeat manner the beast badly hurts “racist japanophile” while the annual festivities of “kick the prone witch into a coma” continues on the other side of the pitch.

My turn 6: With nothing left to do but try the proven tactic named “bullshit-dodges a bundle” I blitz his ball-carrier. Surprisingly I manage everything, but the results are questionable because the ball lands in my TD.

Knorzel turn 7: The chaos coach is so taken in on preparing for the pickup that he completely neglects my witch for a turn; sadly even this sudden change in karma doesn’t help him as the pickup is botched. However, three chaos tackle zones remain on the ball.

My turn 7: I only manage one tackle zone on the loose ball; sadly I am very outnumbered there and hold very low expectations for the coming turns.

Knorzel turn 8: My fears are justified by a quick pickup and a touchdown. The usual story of last turn touchdowns sadly continues.

My turn 8: I set up my team and get ready for a turn of bashing and a pass. Chaos get a blitz, but Knorzel doesn’t use it. For some reason I think that luck might be shining on me (In other words, I am a mouth-breathing nimrod) and decide to do the pass in the beginning of the turn. Nothing unexpected happens as the witch, obviously still dazed by the amounts of kicks to the groin are she received before, fails the pickup. And it’s a half.

My turn 9: Quite a simple turn. The Nurgle team infects the fans with a weird and incurable strain of kindness and gets an extra RR. On my part I try to blitz, but yet again fail the foul appearance roll. Superficial elves remain deeply superficial.

Knorzel turn 9 A well timed blitz and nurgle have both a beast and a warrior on my ball-carrier tentacles and all.

My turn 10: Fumble…

Knorzel turn 10: My star Blitzer proves himself once more and gets unceremoniously KOd, the ball is picked up and a TD in sight.

My turn 11: Only one RR remains, but I manage to badly hurt one of his pesky rotters. One of my fancy name journeymen gets a -1MA and nothing of value is lost. To end the turn in a more positive note I manage to get a few tackle zones on the ball-carrier.

Knorzel turn 11: Strength proves itself once more as most of the tackle zones are cleared with well timed blocks and a blitz. At the end of this festive turn Knorzel returns to his snuggly roots and continues the tradition of brutally fouling me mere steps away from the blind ref.

My turn 12: The turn goes as well as one might expect in the circumstances that I’m in. I manage to take one more of his rotters out with a BH result as well as taking the ball-carrier to the ground, the only bad part of the turn (apart from the fact that it’s my drive and I am merely fighting to keep it a 1:0 instead of equalizing) is that the ball scatters more towards his men.

Knorzel turn 12: A slippery pestigor grabs the ball and makes a dash for it, while the other side of the pitch continues to be decorated with the festive fouling tree in wait of the mysterious Saint Ref that is supposed to bring red cards to naughty nurglings.

My turn 13: Only a tricky dodge out of a tackle zone slash tentacle zone and a last second gfi blitz can stop the sad reality of the upcoming TD. With a RR I manage the blitz only to... Push… Impotent Freudian is indeed... Freudian. On the up side I manage a BH pestigor in blind childish rage on the other side of the pitch. By this point I am wondering why I didn’t go all out bashy on the nurgle team in the first place.

Knorzel turn 13: Two rrs to go and only one dodge to make and TD would be in his hands… He manages it without a dodge. I sigh in utter happiness that my teams’ competent net managed to completely isolate the ball-carrier and limit anyone from getting close to help him. Yes indeed, the plan was fool-proof as they said… I hope another journeyman gets gutted for that last turn.

My turn 14: I position up, but nurgle get a blitz. In no time at all a pestigor is closer to the ball than my elves. HOWEVER, the ball goes out of bonds. With the nurgle team spread out slightly I manage to give it to one elf that was hardly marked, with a lucky blitz two elves make a run for it, but my lack of rrs make it so that rather soon it is a turnover in a less than preferable position.

Knorzel turn 14: Nurgle scramble to stop my ball-carrier and form a good, considering the circumstances, cage to stop him.

My turn 15: The only possible run I have is to make a 3+, 2+ dodge then two gfis... Failed my firs gfi, but I knew the risk.

Knorzel turn 15: A rather quick turn, culminating with a KOd elf and a failed pickup

My turn 16: I now have two possible chances to score; either making a dodge into the ball, pick up and then dodge out OR I can blitz the marker away, pick up the ball and calmly waltz over the line. With uneasy anticipation I pick the second choice and manage to push the marker away. Yay, at least it won’t be a completely disastrous defeat one TD is not so bad… Fumble… Oh Impotent Freudian what great playing skill you have.

Knorzel turn 16. More or less a fruitless turn at first glance, but Knorzel manages to KO two elves and would also have added a SPP for a pass, but forgot to click it before his turn.

What can I say about the game? I still feel inferior to all my opponents in the tactics department, but that I am still working on. The dice rolls were a tad weird on me this entire game. Simple rolls like ball-pickups and foul appearance rolls I failed again and again, while some extremely bullshit dodges went by without a hitch. If it were to me, I would have picked the opposite luck. I would rather count on my elves to do the simplest of tasks rather than be proud to make an unreasonable run at a critical situation, since if I’m doing such a thing it pretty much means that I’m in a desperate situation and a TD is more likely to come no matter if I fail or manage that miracle move.

To wrap everything up: Knorzel was a blast to talk to, a really great guy and from the few BH I managed my only reasonable player line-elf “Philosopher wannabe” got a skill up. I rolled doubles and he now proudly has guard to compliment his block. That and I bought another useless Blitzer to the team. Things are looking A BIT better as only one journeyman will join the team in the next match.