57 coaches online • Server time: 20:33
* * * Did you know? 263 games were played yesterday.
Log in
Recent Forum Topics goto Post Secret Stunty Cup IVgoto Post Custom Icon, Portrai...goto Post All Star Bowl!
Uedder
Last seen 5 weeks ago
Overall
Rookie
Overall
Record
0/0/0
Win Percentage
n/a
Archive

2020

2020-07-20 15:22:29
rating 5.8

2016

2016-12-01 03:56:43
rating 5.3
2016-10-18 16:03:36
rating 5.1
2016-09-08 23:33:22
rating 6
2016-04-11 22:35:10
rating 4.7
2016-03-08 18:13:28
rating 5.6
2016-01-17 18:54:55
rating 5.8
2016-01-11 19:46:47
rating 4.7

2015

2013

2013-08-09 19:05:35
rating 4
2013-07-09 18:57:32
rating 4.2

2012

2012-09-16 00:00:37
rating 3.4
2012-09-07 04:44:53
rating 2.3
2013-11-20 18:18:49
11 votes, rating 5
Devoted Elf fouler retires - is the world a safer place?
Dexter Holland was an iconic player of Mad Screamers, and definetly a fan favorite. He earned 5 mvps in his early career, leading to some crazy bloat for a DP. But that's just how Dexter was, and we loved him for what he was: a jerk and, most times, a useless punchbag.

His ability to lay a boot made him a huge target for the opposition, with every kind of killer trying to get rid of him for 56 matches. That's a lot compared to the medium life span of an elf lino(approx. 5 turns), but finally he was niggled by some nurgle team.

When a player sticks for so long on the Screamers, the locker room is usually filled with sad feelings, when they die or are forced to retire, but this time a real party exploded after the match, with Dexter popping Champagne bottles while running around the locker room in his wheelchair, screaming "I retire you f**kers! Gonna spend the rest of my days in my mansion's pool loaded with chicks and beer! Sayonara LOSERS!!". That's how Dexter's done. That's why everyone was so happy when his back snapped. But nobody wanted him to be so happy, not him all of elves, after so many good friends had died instead! So, when Dexter was drunk enough, he was made to sign a contract as Coach Assistant on fouling. FOR LIFE! Take that, you chimp!

Fat Mike will be his adept, hope he will be able to overachieve his master!

During his mediocre career Dexter averaged one foul per game. For some reasons his two only kills were regen players, and good ones, too: one Vamp Legend and onestar killer wight.

The day he killed Eva Avarice is by far the brightest of his career, and one of the most glorious in the team's history. When Dexter layed his boot, he already knew it was jackpot. The sound "sploosh" echoed in the stadium like a thunder. The whole crowd immediately went silent: apo came in but there was nothing he could do, regen wouldn't work, either. Nobody noticed that Dexter had wooden stakes at his boot! One right straight to the heart!
That day, Dexter became a team icon, he swore to kill every vamp legend, but soon after that, he stopped dealing serious damages, inhebriated by the sudden, unexpected glory.

See you on the training grounds, Dexter. Nobody's gonna miss you.





Rate this entry
Comments
Posted by DatMonsta on 2013-11-20 18:55:00
Great fluff for such a weak player!
Posted by CastleMan on 2013-11-20 19:44:04
http://fumbbl.com/p/player?player_id=9446408

I have a player named Fat Mike too, but mine is the younger version of your guy.
Posted by PaddyMick on 2013-11-20 19:48:41
Retired for a niggle? Emo
Posted by Uedder on 2013-11-20 21:59:08
Fat Mike first game as team dp: BH 1 ulfwerener (!!!), but got sent off in turn 8 after 3 fouls :\
Posted by keggiemckill on 2013-11-21 02:32:59
56 Fouls in 53 games,... not bad for an Elf. Shame to not make a run for a Hundred! :)
Posted by pythrr on 2013-11-21 03:12:02
yeah, why retire him on a niggle. WEAK
Posted by DrPoods on 2013-11-21 06:09:37
Nice post! Very funny. Keep up the good work.
Posted by The_Provocateur on 2013-11-21 08:00:53
RIP Dexter, you will be missed.
Posted by Uedder on 2013-11-21 17:11:46
@ Prov: if you think your statfreak vamps are safe now, with Dexter gone, here's a report from Fat Mike's presentation conference as the team fouler.

------

Journalist: Hello Mike, what can you tell to the fans, so that they get to know you better?

Fat Mike: "Don't call me Mike! Don't Caaall me MIKE! - he stormed out - My name is Fat Mike I'm obsessed with big lesbians, I've been a line fodder for most of my life."

J: ...uhm... yeah, interesting... some statement about your reputation of being a "dirty" player?

F.M. :" Don't ever take away from me my pornography!"

J: ehm, the question was actually about your attitude to foul opposition players...

F.M.: "Obviously we don't agree on what's obscene"

J: Well, as we're at it, do you have any special boot to deliver fouls?

FM: "Orthopedic, Dr. Martens good for Waffle making, kicking through the shin"

J: Ok, some last declaration you want to make?

FM: "KILL ALL THE VAMP MEN!"

--------------------------------
Fat Mike's declarations are quotes (a couple slightly modified) of NOFX songs.