With apologies to the Andrewz Sisterz.

Time to come out of the closet - I am a rum drinker. Often when I give you your 8th foul for the half without being sent off, or my zombie long-bombs to the Agil 2 ghoul across the field and scores - you can blame Captain Henry Morgan Rum, Bacardi, Mount Gay or even (Aldi's) Island Rum.

However on Sunday I did one of those things that you tell yourself you'll never do again - but you do. Not visiting Madam Discipline without the full price for release, not spending your entire worldly wealth on scratch-tickets, not volunteering for the Navy Reserve, but drinking lots of rum and eating only cheese sandwiches.

And because I was a bit merry (and the kitchen was full of Nepalese students, but that's another story) I cut the cheese (phoarrr) way too thick. It was going to be my sustenance for the day after all. I was busy playing BB and a dozen other things and just didn't have time to eat anything else. Plus I was hungry.

A few hours later the stomache cramps start. Not serious cramps but just enough to be uncomfortable and think 'I must remember not to spend all day (weekend) drinking rum and then eat only thick cheese sandwiches'.

That night I find myself visiting the toilet about every hour to try to assuage the swelling in my belly. The next day (Monday) is unfortunately a day when I not only am planning to travel around the countryside doing stuff, but I really have to. Avoiding railway station toilets whereever possible is always my best policy, but on a day like this you have little choice. At least I was quite lucky in my 'loos this time around.

But my backside isn't used to this sort of abuse. Unlike certain coaches on fummbl I could name. So by the end of the day my stomache feels empty (surprise surprise), my backside is sore (not as sore as Shadow46X2 after a session but making it uncomfortable to sit on a hard seat) and I am feeling a lot more lousy than I should.

And I'm out of rum $%*&&@*