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Royston
Last seen 7 years ago
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2016

2016-03-16 10:31:32
rating 5.4

2015

2015-10-29 16:33:06
rating 5.6

2014

2014-08-29 00:56:06
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2014-06-29 23:42:55
rating 4.8

2013

2013-10-25 18:50:31
rating 5.7
2013-10-04 20:08:12
rating 4.3
2013-09-04 14:52:58
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2013-09-02 15:52:15
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2013-08-29 12:53:44
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2013-08-17 13:49:39
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2013-05-29 13:06:43
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2012

2012-03-02 09:09:11
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2011

2011-10-04 13:03:41
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2011-08-12 13:02:54
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2011-08-08 23:31:05
rating 5
2011-08-04 12:13:28
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2011-04-30 12:53:32
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2010

2010-07-27 19:39:46
rating 3.5
2010-03-09 20:38:10
rating 4.6
2010-02-06 20:43:02
rating 5.2
2010-01-06 09:23:32
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2009

2009-12-22 21:36:30
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2009-12-21 21:52:58
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2009-12-17 20:46:30
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2009-11-11 20:51:54
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2009-08-22 21:55:36
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2009-07-18 23:06:19
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2009-07-17 01:31:28
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2009-07-11 21:14:26
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2009-06-25 23:29:49
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2009-06-18 23:23:13
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2009-05-29 22:50:40
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2009-05-12 20:59:48
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2009-04-18 21:56:53
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2009-03-17 22:52:28
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2009-03-11 00:56:01
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2009-03-03 22:26:27
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2009-01-31 22:32:18
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2009-01-21 22:57:57
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2009-01-17 13:11:08
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2009-01-08 23:19:49
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2009-01-06 21:52:02
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2009-01-02 21:01:14
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2008

2008-12-30 00:24:30
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2008-12-22 13:08:59
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2008-12-20 11:57:08
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2008-12-19 15:27:55
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2008-12-18 01:38:12
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2008-12-17 20:53:22
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2008-12-15 22:30:04
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2008-12-14 17:05:52
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2008-12-12 01:48:41
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2008-12-11 00:59:48
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2008-12-09 00:47:44
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2008-12-07 15:06:34
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2008-12-07 02:06:34
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2008-12-06 23:28:51
rating 3.1
2016-03-16 10:31:32
27 votes, rating 5.4
Single Parents
This is a letter I sent to my MP recently. I don't usually post personal things here, but I feel strongly about this and as this site has a majority male populace, many within the UK (apologies I don't know if separated fathers have a better time of things in other countries), I decided to share.





Dear Mr. Howlett,

For the past 3½ years I have found myself in a somewhat unusual situation – until November last year I had 50% care of my daughter and since then 100% care. Shared care should not be an unusual situation for separated parents, despite many studies showing it as beneficial for the child and the UK’s courts reluctance to grant anything other than “once every other weekend” for fathers.

The media portrays single fathers as either feckless deadbeats or nutjobs (see: Fathers’ For Justice); unfortunately from my personal experience the Child Support Agency and Child Benefit Office agree. In reality fathers are equally as able/unable and willing/unwilling to care for their children as mothers are.

Following separation/divorce I paid regular child maintenance. At first this was a private arrangement and then, once my ex-wife wanted more money, but didn’t want to ask me for it, through the CSA. Despite 50/50 care and paying for food, clothing (incl. school uniform), extracurricular activities and medical bills, I was deemed liable to pay maintenance. The only separating factor being the parent who is in receipt of Child Benefit is considered to be the residential parent with day to day care. I was thus issued regular letters threatening me of the consequences of not paying, not informing them of a change of address or withholding details of bonuses/pay rises. I was also told that if I was in receipt of child benefit I would be able to claim likewise.

From mid-December my daughter decided that she wanted to stay with me for the foreseeable future. I duly informed both the Child Benefit Office, who told me I would have to submit a rival claim unless informed by my ex-wife she no longer wanted the money; and the Child Support Agency, who told me they could not close my case or stop my payments unless my ex-wife agreed. I also looked into getting maintenance through the Child Maintenance Service following an unsuccessful attempt at negotiating a private arrangement.

My ex-wife agreed to put a halt to my CSA payments, but would not close the case nor hand over the child benefit.

I am now left in the following situation:

· I cannot apply for maintenance with CMS until my CSA case is closed
· CSA will not close my case until the issue of child benefit is resolved
· My claim with the Child Benefit Office is now with their Mandatory Reconsideration team and will take up to 15 weeks to resolve, this is despite applying in December, being briefly awarded 4 weeks’ worth of child benefit in February and my ex-wife admitting (albeit to the CSA rather than CHB) that she doesn’t have day to day care of our daughter at present

As you can see this has been, and is, a long and tedious process that is still to be resolved due to red tape and an unwillingness on my ex-wife’s behalf to cooperate for the benefit of our child.

I was wondering if you could help me in my situation, and if not me, then spearhead changes to the Child Benefit and Child Maintenance rules in order to help others in similar circumstances to my own.

In an ideal world I’d like to see the following changes:

· Courts awarding 50/50 care as standard
· Where genuine 50/50 care is established, child maintenance is not mandated and child benefit is not used as a decider as to who has day to day care
· Means tested Child Benefit payments in terms of 50/50 care, going to the parent with the lower income
· If a private maintenance agreement has been established and parents/guardians disagree as to the payment amount, then an independent body reviews it before the CMS are involved
· Penalties for parents/guardians refusing to notify CHB/CSA/CMS of changes which impact awards – I believe the CSA/CMS do this already, but only against the paying parent

I know this is sometimes not an ideal world, but a change is needed, both for children and for the majority of fathers who genuinely care for their children.

Regards,

Danny Wiltshire
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Comments
Posted by Royston on 2016-03-16 10:32:33
tl;dr child maintenance / child benefit rules are painful in the UK
Posted by Bobs on 2016-03-16 10:47:20
Keep up the good fight mate.
Posted by pokrjax on 2016-03-16 11:32:50
A worthwhile read, thanks very much and best of luck to you.
Posted by Nightbird on 2016-03-16 11:38:54
Ugh, what a terrible situation. I personaly know many fathers, here in the U.S., that go through similar issues & its never good for the child in any case. Though unlikely, I pray things get resolved for you in an expedient manner bud. Stay strong & let your love for your chip carry you through.
Posted by jarvis_pants on 2016-03-16 11:59:06
good luck mate. at least u get your daughter every day. jp
Posted by Matthueycamo on 2016-03-16 12:13:49
I have been on the end of the shitstick as a child with the familly courts etc. It is really bad, then when the one day of the year when mens issues are brought up MPs like Jess Phillips are total......well you know about it.

It is not good for the child, I am 24 now and this was when I was 8 onwards. I remember it all going down not seeing my dad hardly at all for about the first 2 or 3 years, it was horible. Constant court crap and me having a breakdown about it around 17. I find it so patronising whatall these "experts" and government bodies tell me is best. Never once was I asked at any point at any age. I know what I want and seeing my dad a bit more was not unreasonable really. But all these rules about money and care etc just made my childhood worse than it needed to be. People fall out of love, ok but the way it is haneled is pretty much only good for mothers who want money and forget to put their child first. It is not fit for purpose in the 21st centery.

I hope this all turns out ok for you and thank you for writing the letter. I doubt much will come of it but one day there might be hope.

Best wishes Matt.
Posted by Arktoris on 2016-03-16 13:02:25
ah the joys of voting liberals into office

we voted for this, so we own it. enjoy!
Posted by awambawamb on 2016-03-16 13:41:04
Being separated from the family is always a trauma, but I don't have a story in first person; I've only see it from the outside. Not a good thing for the children, as far as I know. I hope the best for you!
Posted by Wreckage on 2016-03-16 16:41:55
In my country the solution for pretty much all bureaucratic matters like that are preliminary injunctions. Perhaps take a look at that.
Posted by arie_papa on 2016-03-16 18:08:50
Good luck with this. It sounds like this is a very unwanted situation.
Posted by Royston on 2016-03-16 18:13:55
@arie_papa I hope it doesn't come across to you as I don't want to have my daughter living with me full time, nothing could be further from the truth.
Posted by pythrr on 2016-03-16 19:11:11
man, red tape is bollocks.

it should be a more simple system, where the money follows the child's residency, no questions asked.

good luck with this, Royston. I wish I had a magic bullet for you.
Posted by Russo on 2016-03-16 20:46:12
Hi mate, a good sensible letter, and thanks for sharing. I have an amicable agreement with the ex and we have been 50/50 for the whole 10 years we have been apart so its not been an issue for me.

The only thing I can add was there was a ludicrous situation where I was voluntarily directly paying my ex wife an amount in excess of what the CSA would have wanted me to pay. However because she had to fill in some paperwork for child benefits and tax credits the CSA came chasing me. They started taking money directly out of my wage. Even though she wrote to them to say I was paying her directly and even showed them the bank statements they carried on taking the money so I was in fact paying twice as much almost.After about a year of this messing about they admitted that they were in the wrong and that they would refund me the money from then on, but not back date it. They then carried on taking the money each month and sending me two cheques as refund each month for nearly another year.

CSA are an ABSOLUTE FARCE!!!!
Posted by pythrr on 2016-03-17 00:09:48
^^ another situation that a guaranteed national income would resolve.